Writer's Block And A Joke Or Two

I have a serious case of Writer's Block this week. I can't get interested in anything at the moment.

Could be the weather ... (Baby, it's cold outside)

Could be the recovery time from my neck surgery is taking so *&#$^% long and I haven't been able to ride ... [whimper]

Could be the tanking ecomony ... (What was your first clue?!)

Could be my 'stars' are not aligned right in the heavens ...

Could be ... ah, heck who knows?? Any excuse would fit.

I .. am .. not .. a .. ray .. of .. sunshine .. today ..

Sooooo ...

How about a little humor to brighten the day and pass the time?

++ A Joke For The Gentlemen ++
How To Understand Estrogenese

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

++ A Joke For The Ladies ++
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.

+++
Hope I at least made ya smile!

And maybe this uncharacteristic sour mood and lack of ideas will pass in a day or two. [sigh]

♥ ∞

Wordless Wednesday (03/04)

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Orient Express Blog Day Adventure

All Aboard!
The Orient Express is boarding in Paris on Monday, March 9th, and you are invited!

My blog buddy Muse Swings is hosting the event. Simply pop over to her blog and leave a message at the link above. That way we can all visit one another that day.

So pack your bags and join us for the fun! Everyone is invited.

Hope to see you there ...

♥ ∞

Avanti! (1972)

Avanti!

Another one of my favorite movies, that I never tire of watching is "Avanti!". This movie was released to theatres in 1972.

In a nutshell, the story is a successful businessman (Jack Lemmon) who goes to Italy to arrange for the return of his tycoon-father's body only to discover dad died with his mistress of long standing.

Plot Summary: Baltimore industrialist Wendell Armbruster (Jack Lemmon) crosses paths with London shop girl Pamela Piggott (Juliet Mills) when they come to Ischia to pick up the bodies of her mother and his father, who have been killed in an automobile accident after a ten-year summertime affair. Straitlaced Wendell tries to avoid a scandal while free-spirited Pamela is impressed by the romantic setting. After some confusion with the bodies and a blackmail attempt by unscrupulous locals, Wendell and Pamela extend their parent's affair into the next generation.
Source



You'll remember the English actress Juliet Mills from the short run TV show "Nanny and the Professor" (1970-1971). She exudes an adorable personality and makes the story so much fun.

The Director was Billy Wilder. I thought he did a superb job in the timing of the jokes.

And for anyone who understands the laid back way of how the Italian's 'work' and think, it's an absolute laugh riot from beginning to end.

Caution: Being a 'foreign' film it does have some brief nudity but it is all very tastefully done and does fit into the story.

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PS: Off subject but the first race of the season for World SuperBike starts today at 4:00 PM EST on Speed channel. It should be really exciting as the new rider for Yamaha, Ben Spies (pronounced SPEEZE), has the pole position today. He's American and we're pulling for him.

I'm gonna have my 'secretary' (i.e. answer machine) hold all my calls this afternoon ... [lol]

♥ ∞

The Stimulus Package In My Husband's Words

Hubby with his father
after boot camp in the Army National Reserves
Signal School, Fort Gordon, Georgia
August 1966
My darling husband wrote something the other day at one of the on-line motorcycle forums we belong to (MyGreatRides.Com). The subject of the phony stimulus package came up in one of their General Posts. I wanted to share this with y'all today:

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If you closely examine where most of this 'stimulus' money is going, that by the way we are borrowing from foreign countries, it's easy to see that it's mostly payoff money for the votes that were delivered by Democrat special interest groups. Both main political parties have become so corrupt in their quest for power that they trample on the Constitution as if it were a doormat.

The 10th amendment disallows most federal law that has been passed over the last 50 years. The 10th amendment states; "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."

This is a simple statement to understand. Only the powers specifically stated in the Constitution are given to the federal government and all other powers are reserved for the individual states and the people. The federal government has become an overbearing monster that swallows up our personal treasure, involves us in illegal conflicts and erodes away our personal God- given liberties in the name of fairness. We the people have allowed this to happen because of our indifference to the rule of law and our sudden embracing of democracy, also known as mob rule. We are a republic, where all are supposed to be treated equally under the law, regardless of our social status. We are now becoming a democracy where the rule of the majority can quickly strip us of our fortunes, our rights and our dignity.

This is why we now vote Libertarian.

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... and you probably thought I only married Hubby because of the uniform ... HA!! :o)

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For The Funny Bone:

Japanese banks have been hit almost as hard as American banks:
The Origami Bank has folded, and we hear the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up too. Bonsai Bank plans to cut some of its branches. Karoke Bank is for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where workers fear they may get a raw deal.
Readers Digest (March 2009, page 80), Submitted by Barbara Padwell

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Postcard Friendship Friday (02/27)

Georgia is our absolute, hands down, favorite State. We love living here.

But our second favorite State is Texas. Texas folks are some of the best in the world and there are so many fun things to do there! We try to visit every year. So, we've been planning our Texas Hill Country trip for this Spring and I thought this would be a nice card to post today. Just once I would like to see the Blue Bonnets in full bloom. [sigh]

Postcard Friendship Friday is hosted by my friend Marie at Voila! Vintage Postcards. Pay her lovely blog a visit if y'all have time.

Have a happy day!

♥ ∞

Me First!

Valerie said I could totally steal this idea from her at her blog It's A Wonderful Life. So, I did!

Below are a list of My Firsts.


MY FIRSTS

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
May 1973 with my first serious "go steady" boyfriend, Bill Anderson. We were both Junior's and he took me to the Junior-Senior Prom. It was the first time I got to stay out all night without having to strain for an excuse. [lol] I think Dad was hoping I'd run away so he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. Didn't work. I returned like a Homing Pigeon to finish my Senior year.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
No, I used to but we kinda lost touch a couple of years ago. He still lives in central Florida and is a millionaire. I'm so happy for him! He's a really nice, decent fellow.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Beer and whiskey. Dad gave it to me for a toothache. I was under 10 years old because Mom was still alive.

4. What was your FIRST job?
When 15, I had a summer job with a kennel in Mims, just south of Titusville. It was hard work but it was fun. I love dogs and this was a pleasure for me.

5. What was your FIRST car?
A red 1968 Renault. After it spent nearly every day after my purchase in the garage being repaired, I traded it for a 1966 Volkswagon 'bug'. It was actually a Trade Up for me. It was really easy to work on.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
I don't text.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
My sister-in-law, Cindy. We've got something cooking up in the financial department and I'm gonna help her with it. It's my forte'.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
I have no clue. I don't even remember first grade!!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
I was 12 years old, my mother was dead, and my father put me alone on a flight from central Florida to western Pennsylvania. Would any of you parents out there do that? I didn't think so. I had to fly back alone too. He dumped me on a plane so he could marry his third wife. A woman he only knew for a couple of months.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them?
Karen Williams, she married a Mr. Towe and had a bunch of kids. We lost touch with each other years ago. I hope she's well and happy where ever she is. Karen was a nice girl.

11. What was your FIRST sport played?
Primitive Archery. I still enjoy it. Now that I've had neck surgery I hope to start it back up again.

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over?
I might never have been to one. I don't remember. My group wasn't much into that. We mostly played in the woods and rode our bicycles all day. I tried to never have friends over.

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
My hubby.

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My first marriage in August of 1974.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Kick two dogs outta the bed so I can make a bee-line to the ... well, you know. :o)

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
Never been to a concert, if they mean like a Rock concert or something like that. I've been in a High School concert. I sing Second Alto. Oh, wait, I've been to a performance by the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra (classical music) during the 1979 season. It was spectacular! Does that count?

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?
My ears were pierced when I was 16. Absolutely, positively NO tattoos.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to?
Niagara Falls, Canada. Let's see, I was very young (pre-1966) because I remember my mother being there. If it was just Dad, he probably would have left me there.

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law?
When I was 18. Before 1st husband and I married, we played a joke on a friend by 'rolling' his house with toilet paper on Hallowe'en. And I got caught ... by the Sheriff, no less!! Dang, I was embarrassed. Gosh, I hope Pappy doesn't see this. I'm such a hardened criminal. [lol]

20. When was your FIRST detention?
I've never had detention. I was good in school. I turned bad after graduation. [smile] I only sassed a teacher once and got a whoopin' for it. I never did that again.

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?
Florida.

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart?
My father when he tore up his parent card in August of 1966.

23. Who was your FIRST roommate?
Never had a roommate. I can't stand to be around most people 24/7 except for my husband.

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride?
Are you kidding, I've never been in a limo.

25. Where did you go on your FIRST date with your husband?
March 17th, 1979 at Shrimpy's in Jacksonville, Florida. Yeah, it was St. Patrick's Day. We still celebrate that day every year in memory of our first date. I was getting a divorce from my first husband and Steve asked me out to supper and a movie. We've been together ever since.


So there you have 25 of my FIRSTS.

And you're still talking to me! Eh, I don't care what they say, you're good people.

So, feel free to grab the Questions. I would like to know all of your FIRSTS too. If you want to join in, leave a comment here and I'll pop over to your place and Read All About It. Have fun!

♥ ∞