Puns For Educated Minds ~ Funny Friday

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Finally, A True Story ... NOT!

Here's a picture of the new world record whitetail.

It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker's sister's, uncle's, best friend's, son-in-law's, niece's hairdresser's, neighbor's ex-boyfriend's oldest nephew.

Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B & C standard and was shot in West Texas on a really windy day, 85 degrees downhill, around a curve at 900 yards with a 22 mag.

Supposedly, this deer had killed a Brahma bull, two Land Rovers and six Jehovah's Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot. It had also been confirmed that the buck had been seen drinking discharge water from a nuclear power plant.

This has been checked on Snopes who confirmed it. Honest!!!

Sincerely,
Barry Obama

This post is dedicated to all those who are just as tired of "true" internet stories as I am. :))

9-11 Tribute: Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
[George Santayana, philosopher]

How true!! Now we have a muslim deviants in the White House who don't have our best interests at heart.

Well DUH!

Where was I that day? I was in bed, doped to the hilt with pain killers, recovering from my second carpal tunnel surgery. I had had surgery the day before. I think it was my right wrist that time. So there I was all safely ensconced in our queen sized bed, and my husband came tearing into the bedroom, and changed the TV channel to Fox News without a word. I thought the TV images were all fake, maybe a movie promo or something. But my husband said "No honey, this is real." There were the live images of people dieing, being burned alive or leaping to their deaths to the pavement below. I remember watching as those brave firefighters and others tried to get into the burning building to save others. It was horrible! My husband and I prayed together. I cried and felt numb for days. Those images will stay with me for all time. I know it changed my life forever.

Now we have a Muslim, illegal immigrant for president. Gosh, some people have short memories. Didn't see that one coming.

So, where were you when the world stopped spinning?

Nutjob Holds Discovery Channel Hostage

URGENT! Prayers needed for the nutjob and the hostages being held with a bomb by the nutjob [sorry, don't know his name yet] at the Discovery Channel TV station.

The man holding hostages at Discovery HD has posted his list of demands. He is an anti-capitalist Malthusian who wants the Discovery Channel to stop any programming that promotes capitalism, human birth, progress, or the ponzi economy. (via Ben Smith)

The hostage taker also claims to be an atheist. I pray he doesn't die in his sins! It's so unnecessary. He's really sick and needs Christ. Perhaps there can be a peaceful solution to this.

Y'all please pray for all these folks? Thanks. :)

Source: Business Insider

News: Toxic Seafood Warning

Being from coastal Florida, my husband and I tend to eat a lot seafood. After watching the report below, we're gonna quit eating anything we don't know is harvested here in America.

Buying American has a dual purpose anyway:
Protects our economy.
Protects our health.



I hope this report helps others to avoid a very dangerous health risk.

Sparky And The Horse

I have had a nice break from typing and posting this month. I hope everyone is having an enjoyable July? We haven't done much of anything except survive. It is unbelievably hot (the heat index is 110 as I 'pen' these words) and incredibly humid in southeastern Georgia. We can barely go outside for the gnats, horseflies, deer-flies, yellow-flies! They are atrocious this year!

We decided to go for a ride this morning anyway. We left early, of course, before the air reached the current unbearable temp. I needed a hair cut anyway, so, a nice little jaunt to the barbershop was in order. Apparently, some of our neighbors had the same idea. There were a lot of people out ... for our area anyway.

As I was cycling down our one-lane country dirt road, I spotted the horses approaching us at a gentle pace also. I slowed my speed as a courtesy, not wishing to cause the horses to become alarmed. My husband very wisely came to a full stop but I soldiered on in first gear, being careful not to make any unnecessary moves. I love horses too but know they can get weird on ya in a moments notice.

As I approached one horse, I glanced at him and noticed he was a young stallion. "Uh oh!" I thought. This is not good. He's not calming down. Suddenly, he turned so that his hind legs were INCHES from my bike! "HOLY CRAP!" flashed through my mind in an instant. He was preparing to KICK me and bike! Thank my precious Lord, the rider was able to calm him and prevent a catastrophe. It happens really quickly on the video. It's at about 3:24 on the timetable.



Well, I'll go back to relaxing for awhile. I had to share this little event. That the closest I'd come to having my life flash before my eyes in a long time.

I pray your summer is a lot less dramatic.

Happy 4th Of July

Happy 4th Of July Everyone!



Try not to drink too much beer
unless you're veggin' on the sofa ...
tee hee