Funny Friday ~ ObamaCare Is An Oxymoron Created By A Moron

 ... and SCANDALS!

Don't Mess With Old People

The IRS Vs. GRANDPA

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ' Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. ' How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay? ' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it! '

I keep telling you. Don't Mess With Old People!


Ride Safe,

Two Minutes With The Bible ~ Legitimate Prayer

Legitimate Prayer 

by Pastor Cornelius R. Stam

Berean Bible Society

Printer Friendly Version

Prayer, in Old Testament times, was based upon a covenant relationship with God, or it was an appeal to His revealed nature as merciful, gracious, etc. Today it is based upon the redemptive work of Christ, whose death opened the way for us into the Father’s presence. This is why acceptable prayer today is offered “in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ”. With our Lord’s departure from this world in view, He said to His disciples:

“I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by Me” (John 14:6).

“Hitherto have ye asked nothing in My name…At that day ye shall ask in My name: and I say not unto you that I will pray the Father for you, for the Father Himself loveth you, because ye have loved Me…” (John 16:24-27).

Thus today we pray directly to the Father in the name of the Son.

Our prayers, however, are often faltering and sometimes the way is so dark before us that we do not even know what to ask for. Thus Paul declared: “We know not what we should pray for as we ought” (Rom.8:26). But he was quick to follow this with the declaration:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose” (Rom.8:28).

This is why the Apostle Paul encourages God’s people:

“Be careful [anxious] for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God:

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil.4:6,7).

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb.4:16).

---

To the Reader:
Some of our Two Minutes articles were written many years ago by Pastor C. R. Stam for publication in newspapers. When many of these articles were later compiled in book form, Pastor Stam wrote this word of explanation in the Preface:

"It should be borne in mind that the newspaper column, Two Minutes With the Bible, has now been published for many years, so that local, national and international events are discussed as if they occurred only recently. Rather than rewrite or date such articles, we have left them just as they were when first published. This, we felt, would add to the interest, especially since our readers understand that they first appeared as newspaper articles."

To this we would add that the same is true for the articles written by others that we continue to add, on a regular basis, to the Two Minutes library. We hope that you'll agree that while some of the references in these articles are dated, the spiritual truths taught therein are timeless.

Driving Through The Georgia Backcountry

I packed a hurried repast to satisfy the hunger pains

while ensuring that the camera was charged and ready.

Then we cranked up the trusty "cage"

for a trek through the countryside.

These are a few I, or husband, snapped along the way.

Gladiolus alatus

A local herald of Spring, they're not native but they grow wild here.

Byrd Farm

Ralston Road

Corn field

on Cross Swamp Road

Mother Goose and her two

surviving goslings.

Sinclair Road

Abandoned farm

Ralston Road

Otter Creek

Otter Creek Road

Ride Safe,

(NOTE: More photos reside here. All where taken in Pierce County, Georgia USA)

BMW R 1200 GS Short Rider

You've gotta see this.


Isn't that cool? I'm not confidant enough to pull this stunt on my V-Strom.

Not yet, anyway. *smile*

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral ...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

_________________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

_________________________________________

Ride Safe,

Life's A Ditch And Then You Die

In 2011, Forbes Magazine Staff writer Rich Karlgaard wrote an article on our ever shrinking economy.

"It’s one thing to fall into a ditch. Quite another to paint and decorate the ditch and call it home. When you hear the U.S. economy has entered a “new normal” period of 2% growth and 9% unemployment, you’re listening to ditch decorators. The economy can do much better. Technology is advancing. Most people want to better themselves. There’s no reason to stay in this rut." Source

For the past two years, I've been explaining to anyone that will listen, we are not in a recession. We are in, or close to, another Great Depression. Today I learn that the Commerce Department has acknowledged that our economy is "... contracting at a 0.5 percent rate." (Source)

Albeit, they're blaming the weather, which of course, is a lie. It's the unconstitutional regulations by unelected government officials. Contributing factors are the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare). The willy nilly printing of money. The low interest rates which are only enriching bankers. The rampant inflation. The leaving of major corporations to offshore headquarters because of the aforementioned. The ever increasing taxes. The glaring incompetence displayed by elected leaders. The lack of morals by the majority. And on and on. It's an enormous economic, immorally driven snowball heading straight for financial hell. It's unsustainable. It's a comedy of errors contributing to a high rate of small businesses and family farms closing their doors forever. Small town America is disappearing before our very eyes which is leading to more and more urban decay and despair.

Even our pets are not immune. Ever increasingly, I'm seeing animals abandoned on the side of the road. It's a sad state of affairs!

The biggest obstacle of all is the man who calls himself Obama. He is the unmentionable 'leavings' stuck in the sewer pipe of America, clogging up commerce and denying Americans access to liberties. He and his kind call what is good evil and what is evil good. He is truly a type of anti-Christ.

Elected officials have become ditch decorators. They've chosen to do nothing to stop the madness. They are apparently hoping we will live in that painted, heavily mortgaged, boring concrete grey ditch while they live in palaces stolen from the Middle Class.

I wish paint was still cheap.

Ride Safe,

Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse. It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD. Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him. A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free.

[Proverbs 19: 1-5]

The Sweet Smell Of Undress

Caught ya lookin' ... *giggle*

This morning, the unseasonably cool temperatures where calling. It was a siren song of the South of "Come outside and play."

As if I needed a good excuse to exercise the metal steed, I told myself I was dearly in need of more No Natz Bug Repellent from Thompsons in Baxley.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

This is what happens when one

puts the camera and the iced

Peanut Butter Energy Balls in the same tank bag.

Guilty! :))

Appling county really needs to

consider bringing back road side tables.

After the ride, I noticed my usually white riding jacket was a dingy grey. Hubby's was so dirty it looked completely black. We took the time to hand wash the jackets. Then I gently pulled all the liners from the helmets to be cleaned. Hubby washed down the outside of the helmets.

Remember this Dial soap commercial from the mid to late 1970s?

It's a woman is riding her bike and the lyrics are

"then Dial has enough to bring you home again,

still refreshed, feeling fine ... aren't you glad you use Dial?"

So we're smelling sweet now! And it's definitely Chef Leftover night.

Ride Safe,

Recipe: Peanut Butter Energy Balls

This recipe was received from a local dear friend the other day. At first I thought, this sounds dreadful. Dry oatmeal? But, Hubby was a brave soul and made a batch. Now I'm hooked! Please don't be put off by the sorry photo. It looks like something the dogs left for me on the front lawn, I know, but they really are good, low in sugar and salt, and are a life saver if one has low blood sugar as I do.

Peanut Butter Energy Balls
by Vicki D.

1 cup dry, uncooked oatmeal
1/2 cup flax seed
1/2 cup low sugar peanut butter (I recommend Simply Jiff)
1/3 cup honey
1/2 cup raisins (optional) and/or chocolate chips, etc.

Wet hands. Roll into bite size balls. Refrigerate on cookie sheet for at least 30 minutes. Keep refrigerated until eaten.
Makes 12 or more depending on size, amount of ingredients, etc.
Enjoy!

Ride Safe,

Memorial Day Post 2014

In Loving Memory Of All Those Who Sacrificed For Our Nation

All Gave Some

Some Gave All

Honor And Respect To The Hero's In Uniform

We Will Never Forget

Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD; 

and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.

Psalm 33:12 KJV

Ride Safe,

Two Minutes With The Bible ~ What Grace Is

What Grace Is 

by Pastor Cornelius R. Stam

Berean Bible Society

Printer Friendly Version

Never let the devil deceive you into supposing that God planned sin as “a gracious means to a glorious end,” for then salvation from sin would be simple justice, not grace. No, you cannot legitimately charge God with your sin. It is to the guilty, the undeserving, far and wide, that God offers “the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of His grace” (Eph. 1:7).

There are two significant phrases in Eph. 2 which shed clear light upon the character, the nature, of grace. They are found in Verses 2 and 3, which speak of the unsaved as “children [Gr., huiois, full-grown sons] of disobedience” and “children [Gr., tekna, born ones] of wrath.”

Meditate for a moment on these phrases: “Children of disobedience” and “children of wrath.”It is against this dark, black background of deserved wrath, that we read further:

“BUT GOD, who is RICH IN MERCY, for His GREAT LOVE wherewith He loved us,
“Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us [given us life] together with Christ (BY GRACE ARE YE SAVED), 

“And hath raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: 

“That in the ages to come He might show THE EXCEEDING RICHES OF HIS GRACE IN HIS KINDNESS TOWARD US THROUGH CHRIST JESUS” (Eph. 2:4-7).

Somehow it takes a load off one’s heart and mind to come to the end of his rope, as it were, and admit that he is a sinner, deserving God’s wrath. How sweet to the ears of such is the wonderful message of redemption by grace, through the finished work of Christ at Calvary. We were all the “children [full-grown sons] of disobedience”: and therefore “by nature the children [born ones] of wrath”: “But God!” When hope seemed gone, He intervened and now offers salvation to all by grace, through faith.

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved” (Acts 16:31).

---

To the Reader:
Some of our Two Minutes articles were written many years ago by Pastor C. R. Stam for publication in newspapers. When many of these articles were later compiled in book form, Pastor Stam wrote this word of explanation in the Preface:

"It should be borne in mind that the newspaper column, Two Minutes With the Bible, has now been published for many years, so that local, national and international events are discussed as if they occurred only recently. Rather than rewrite or date such articles, we have left them just as they were when first published. This, we felt, would add to the interest, especially since our readers understand that they first appeared as newspaper articles."

To this we would add that the same is true for the articles written by others that we continue to add, on a regular basis, to the Two Minutes library. We hope that you'll agree that while some of the references in these articles are dated, the spiritual truths taught therein are timeless.

Queen For A Day #Birthday

I have a full plate today.

First off, this year today is when we Georgians vote in the Primaries. Since I try to always exercise my right to vote, even if it's a choice between the devil I know or the devil I don't know. That's first on the plate. I know it's one of our ever dwindling rights as an American.

Next on the plate, it's my birthday! Hubby usually takes me out for something special and treats me like a Queen. Truthfully, he does that year round, but on my birthday he goes all out. I sure found a treasure when I met him.


So I am off to fill my plate with more fun and frivolity. I would also like to wish everyone a happy, fun filled day.

[waving my hand regally] Go do something joyful just for yourself.

Since I'm Queen For A Day, I proclaim this allowable. *smile*

Ride Safe,

Hydrangea Macrophylla And A Dog Day Morning

After years of fruitless growth, the Hydrangea macrophylla (commonly called Bigleaf hydrangea) next to my office is blooming!

I finally got serious about getting this plant to bloom and used the Hi-Yield Magnesium Sulfate available at our local Ace Hardware.

And Sam and Jack, aka The Jack Russell Terriorists (a well earned nickname!), where looking so deceptively cute whilst sunning themselves on the front stoop, I had to stop take a snap.

I hope this made you smile and everyone has a fun filled, sunny day!

Ride Safe,

Two Minutes With The Bible ~ The Fruits Of The Resurrection

The Fruits Of The Resurrection 

by Pastor Cornelius R. Stam

Berean Bible Society

Printer Friendly Version

The fruits of our Lord’s resurrection from the dead are many and important.

First, there were immediate results. It silenced those who had ridiculed His claims, and struck terror into their hearts. It explained how the prophecies would be fulfilled which predicted the death of Christ and the kingdom glory to follow. It heartened His followers, making cowards bold, turning their fear into faith, their sorrow into joy and their despair into glorious victory.

Then there were also long range results, for our Lord’s resurrection is a warning to unbelievers:

“Because [God] hath appointed a day in the which He will judge the world in righteousness by that Man whom He hath ordained; whereof He hath given assurance unto all men, in that He hath raised Him from the dead” (Acts 17:31. See also John 5:22,27; Acts 10:42).

As to believers, first, Christ’s resurrection from the dead assures us that our debt of sin has been fully paid:

“[HE] WAS DELIVERED FOR OUR OFFENCES, AND WAS RAISED AGAIN FOR OUR JUSTIFICATION. THEREFORE BEING JUSTIFIED BY FAITH, WE HAVE PEACE WITH GOD THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST” (Rom. 4:25; 5:1).

Second, His resurrection gives us a living Savior to help us in our daily walk.

“WHEREFORE HE IS ABLE ALSO TO SAVE THEM TO THE UTTERMOST THAT COME UNTO GOD BY HIM, SEEING HE EVER LIVETH TO MAKE INTERCESSION FOR THEM” (Heb. 7:25).

Third, His resurrection is the pledge of our own:

“FOR IF WE BELIEVE THAT JESUS DIED AND ROSE AGAIN, EVEN SO THEM ALSO WHICH SLEEP IN JESUS WILL GOD BRING [FROM THE DEAD] WITH HIM” (I Thes. 4,14; cf. Heb. 13:20). 

“BLESSED BE THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST WHO, ACCORDING TO HIS ABUNDANT MERCY, HATH BEGOTTEN US AGAIN UNTO A LIVING HOPE BY THE RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST FROM THE DEAD” (I Pet. 1:3).

---

To the Reader:
Some of our Two Minutes articles were written many years ago by Pastor C. R. Stam for publication in newspapers. When many of these articles were later compiled in book form, Pastor Stam wrote this word of explanation in the Preface:

"It should be borne in mind that the newspaper column, Two Minutes With the Bible, has now been published for many years, so that local, national and international events are discussed as if they occurred only recently. Rather than rewrite or date such articles, we have left them just as they were when first published. This, we felt, would add to the interest, especially since our readers understand that they first appeared as newspaper articles."

To this we would add that the same is true for the articles written by others that we continue to add, on a regular basis, to the Two Minutes library. We hope that you'll agree that while some of the references in these articles are dated, the spiritual truths taught therein are timeless.

A Two Wheeled Journey In The Country

It was one of those days that brought so much beauty to the table of life that it begged to be eaten with a spoon like fresh, homemade ice cream. Light, cool breezes. Azure blue skies. While the light lasts smiling wild flowers in full regalia gazing up at the sun. Oh yeah, I must put some time in the saddle!

My husband agreed that I needed to celebrate my 58th birthday all weekend and said we should toil not. (I suspect an ulterior motive here ...) That's OK. I'm a willing participant. "Throw me in that brier patch ...!" *smile*

For this Day Trip we stayed mostly in Ware County, Georgia. Riding from our home to Waycross, we proceeded north on Highway 82 (Corridor Z) to the unincorporated community of Millwood. From Millwood, turn on the Manor to Millwood Road and travel all the way to Manor. (Pronounced "Mainor". So named after the pioneering family of that area.) That part of the trip was especially enjoyable. The road is in dire need of resurfacing but if one pays attention to that, it's quite fun. In Manor, crossing Highway 84, it becomes Suwannee Chapel Road. Stay on it until it dead ends into Swamp Road. Hang a left on Swamp Road and stay on it all the way back to Waycross.

Abandoned train tracks.

Millwood, Georgia

 We took time to reflect

on how this community

once was a bustling little town.

Yellow planted Daisy's and a red Honda

go good together.

Trains are the arteries

that connect our communities

to the outside world.

Busted!

Enjoying an ice cream sandwich.

I hadn't enjoyed one literally in years

and Sweetie tempted me.

I caved.

(That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. lol)

All in all our trip was a little over 100 miles. One can view Blueberry farms, vegetable farms, small cattle ranches, piney woods, swamp, abandoned homes and train related items, and other interesting features.  It was truly a nice day. And we got to see a lot of what is our ever vanishing Georgia before it is lost to history.

Ride Safe,