Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Just Joshin' Around

In honor of my 150th post (wow ... have I been having that much fun!!??) here's a few jokes I found at the Triumph 1050 Forum to lighten the mood. Enjoy! :o)


WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.

Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf

I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
and don't ever pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

♥ ∞

12 comments:

Linda said...

LOL.Thanks, I need the windex now to clean the screen. LOL

HAVE A BLESSED DAY.

Poetikat said...

Great jokes and I LUV your new template. You've got some serious Irish goin' on there, girl!
That is a gorgeous photo of the cardinal. Did you take it?

Kat

Poetikat said...

Oops! Just saw that name in the corner of the photo. It really is an amazing shot.

Kat

Carey's Corner said...

Thanks for the laughs, I will definitely share the Kentucky joke with my bluegrass buddy.

Mildred said...

Thanks for the smiles today.

Devoted said...

LOL..thanks for starting my day with a laugh!

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Y'all are welcome for the smiles. Sometimes we just have to stop and spread a little cheer, you know?! :o)

Thanks for noticing my new header! I am so proud of it. The photo was taken by a professional wildlife & astromony photographer, right here on our property. That's one of 'my' little birdies!! So cool. A very nice gentleman by the name of Kirk M. Rogers (lives in Maine). His work is fantastic. ♥ ∞

Janeen said...

Hi girlfriend! Thanks for your sweet comments today about my roof. It could be worse and I'm thankful that it's not!

Your post today is soooooo funny! ha ha ha Definitely got the laughter I needed today! I like that first one about the fan... so true, so true! ha ha ha

SILVER said...

pretty good ones for a thought ! very entertaining as well.. with a little wisdom to it.. (!)

smiles,
Silver

Tea Time With Melody said...

Thanks for your comments on Tigger, but as for the roof, that is Janeen. LOL Love the jokes. I needed a laugh today.

Marie Reed said...

Well these jokes just made my day lady!

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Sorry Melody, I must have temporarily forgot where I was. I know it's Janeen's roof. Duh (me)! So sorry. :o)

Nothing like a little humor to brighten our days. ♥ ∞