Funny Friday

Funny Friday

Have a blessed day.

Punography ~ Funny Friday

It's still dull as dish water this week. (Maybe that's a good thing?) Here's something for the funny bone.

Funny Friday ~ Just Miscellaneous Fun

Not much going on in our neighborhood, so, thought I'd share some funnies.

And on that silly note, I'll say 'bye for now! Hope your weekend is blessed, happy, and profitable.

Funny Friday

I'm having one of those moments when the words won't come ... so ... here's some funny papers for the day.

Glad I'm not the only one with difficulty putting pen to paper.

Sounds like my cooking! Now you know why I prefer my husband's fare.

Hope you have a giggly day folks.

Funny Friday ~ Non Sequitur

Non Sequitur

One of the many items I miss about receiving the daily newspaper are the "funnies". Good thing some of them are still available on Yahoo! Comics. Non Sequitur was consistently one of my favorites.

Funny Friday ~ If The Democrats Were Defined As Avian

Get Fuzzy

by Darby Conley

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ Cartoons For The Twisted

Funny And Not So Funny Friday ~ Therapeutic Screen Saver

I have temporarily sprained, or I have arthritis in, both hands. Riding is out, for now. Typing is also painfully difficult so I will be off-line, hopefully only for a spell. I pray it doesn't take long to heal. Isn't growing old fun!? NOT!

Plus, next week we will face the agonizing decision (I think ... if I don't change my mind ... again) that we will have to send Lucy the boxer to Rainbow Bridge. I can't even say the word. It hurts too much. Anyway, she's just in too much pain to continue. If she can't get better it's cruel to drag this out. She's old and it's "time". *sigh* I'm trying not to think about what faces us. I'm gonna miss that big, sweet dog.

But, life goes on. Here's something to tickle the funny bone for Funny Friday. Might as well laugh. Beats the stew out of crying.

Enjoy! ~:)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is a relaxing and therapeutic screen saver.

 As you watch this screen saver, if the falling figure gets stuck, all you have to do is drag the figure to the side a bit to avoid the obstacle. You can also grab the figure with the mouse and bash it into things. I made sure to beat mine to a pulp a few times.

Or, you can place the figure between the obstacles and watch it flail helplessly, which may make you feel better.

Therapeutic Screen Saver

Funny Friday ~ King James I Takes On Smoking

King James IV of Scotland and I of England

(b. June 19, 1566 d. March 27, 1625)

On smoking:

"A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless."

Such a command of the English language. Makes one want to speak and write more eloquently, doesn't it.

One can read more about King James here or in one of David Starkey's fantastic history books. They're very enlightening. James I is the King that brought us the King James Version of the Holy Bible as England tore itself loose from the bondage of Catholicism. We owe him a great deal. 

Rideth Safeth,

Funny Friday ~ Ray Stevens " Come To The USA"

A little humor before the rant.


h/t Bruce B.
I know this is Funny Friday but I have to voice an opinion on what's happening at our borders.

Mexicans are sending their unattended illegal migrant children on buses to America for us to care for and our government then gives them immediate health care, security, food, shelter, lawyers, education, etc. Yet our Veterans, who willingly sacrificed for God and Country, are being dissed, abandoned and deliberately killed by ignoring by the alleged medical personnel sent to help them!? I am outraged! All this while the man who calls himself Obama, yet again, does nothing.

Iraq is falling apart again. There's endless scandals surround Barry like flies on poo. He continually bad mouth's our country then deliberately aids and abets the very criminals who wants us all dead, the enemy. And on, and on, and on.

Please, this Beast must be impeached and then kicked out of our country.

The continued wickedness of the Obama Administration is so reprehensible, further words fail me.

Your thoughts?

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral ...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

_________________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

_________________________________________

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ Darth Vadar Speaks On #HealthCare

"Now, where is that pen and phone ... ?"

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ Red Neck Friday

Red Neck Water Slide

(please don't try this at home)

Red Neck Portable Deck

Red Neck Sandals

Ride Safe,

Funny Friday ~ NASA

Funny Friday ~ Scotch With Two Drops Of Water

Scotch with two drops of water.

 

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

 

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

 

The old woman says, " Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

 

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

 

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

 

"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

 

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

 

 

                 'OLD' IS WHEN...                 

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs

and make love,' and you answer,

'Pick one; I can't do both!'

 

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your friends compliment you

on your new alligator shoes

and you're barefoot.

 

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

A sexy babe catches your fancy

and your pacemaker opens the garage door,

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Going braless

pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You don't care where your spouse goes,

just as long as you don't have to go along.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

'Getting a little action'

means you don't need to take any fiber today.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

'Getting lucky' means you find your car

in the parking lot.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

An 'all nighter' means not getting up

to use the bathroom.

 

AND 

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are not sure these are jokes

 

 

Funny Friday ~ BoomBox by Dixon Diaz