Friday, January 15, 2016

When Insults Had Class

These inglorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter curse words.  

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." 

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

 "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow 
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop 
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

 "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

 "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

 "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand 
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

 "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But I'm afraid this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


Jackie said...

A lot of hese are deeeeep.....and all are funny.
Thanks for sharing!

Ed Bonderenka said...

Some are worth hearing over and over.

Simply Linda said...

{{{{giggling}}}{ thanks Sparky

Monkeywrangler said...

Oh my, Sparky, those are grand insults! Love it!

Victor S E Moubarak said...

These are very good quotes Sparky, I shall use them when I run out of mine.

How about:

And from whose nose were you picked?

Did you pick your own nose or were you born with it?

Go away and never darken my towels again.

He can brighten up any room by leaving it.

He's so non-descript you would lose him in a crowd; in fact you would lose him if he were standing all alone.

Thanx for the smiles. God bless you Sparky.

Sparky said...

Guess I'm in a snarky mood today. January will do that without even trying. *grin* Thanks everyone. Hope your day is full of happy moments. ~:)

Linda Eller said...

Good quotes and I have heard a lot of them. Gave me a smile when I read them. Have a good upcoming weekend dear friend.

Wiregrass Steve said...

After Lady Astor commented at table on the intoxicated condition of Churchill, "It's true That I'm Drunk Lady but also true that you are ugly and in the morning I shall be sober".

Wiregrass Steve said...

Also, the common Old South lead-in to a comment on someone's deficiency, "Bless your heart,...."

Patsy said...

I wish I could remember them all.
When I need one.

DaBlade said...

I love the ones that cause the double-takes. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." The best insults are the ones that have that delayed response. My oldest brother used to zing me so good, I wouldn't realize it until later on the drive home.

White Lace and Promises said...

Hilarious. I was gonna pick my favorites, but as I read I knew it would be impossible to pick one. I love them all. I laughed out loud because true! So true!

Lulu James said...

LOVE the British! Thanks for sharing these zingers!