A
large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large
pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you
cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
Belt Sander:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
A
tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
A
tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock
out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had
carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
One
of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
becomes.
Originally
employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of
divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we
are trying to hit.
Used
for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your
new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
Used
almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and
creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel
hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
Normally
used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.
Table Saw:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal!!
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.
Used
to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered
to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats,
vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund
checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
clothes, but only while in use.
Generally
used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else
is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.
Cleans
paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with
the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses
from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh crap'.
Any
handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Damn It' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
tool that you will need.
